Everyone wants warmth, intimacy, and reciprocity in relationships. At the same time, authentic intimacy as a positive self-developing process should be distinguished from pseudo-intimacy, in which there is more pretense than frankness and more manipulation than empathy.
The most common characteristics of pseudo-intimacy:
However, it does not mean that authentic intimacy is only possible if partners are completely calm and attached to each other. Loyalty and care for one's partner do not necessarily guarantee permanent happiness or agreement on all issues. For instance, people who are very much in love may have moments when they hate each other, while people who feel tenderness towards each other are sometimes capable to be cruel. Such a variety of feelings does not indicate that there is no authentic intimacy between people; it simply shows that intimate relationships are very complicated. At the same time, this complexity gives intimacy its main significance — a unique relationship between two individuals based on absolute mutuality.