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Should you talk to your partner about sex, and if so, how?

psychiatrist, sexologist, psychotherapist
  • Published:
    29 November 2022
  • Updated:
    06 November 2023
Talk about sex

This is the beginning of a series of articles about how to talk about sex with your partner.

It is very important to talk to your partner about it. It's a mistake to think that if all people know how to make love, then everyone knows how to do it right.

Even if you believe that you know how to discuss sex with your partner, still read our tips and learn about common mistakes related to this topic. 

Even between the friendliest couples, intimate matters are a very sensitive topic, especially when there's something wrong with sex.

First, imagine how you would like to be talked to about sex! Would you like the heightened mentor's incriminating tone? Would you be happy with tongue taps, eye rolls, your partner's silence, and insults? Of course not. 

At the same time, unfortunately, it’s a common practice when partners use the wrong voice, phrases, and gestures when talking about sex with another side.

You cannot discuss everything about sex in a single conversation. There are many areas you can cove, such as problems in sex, experimentation, or your sexual wishes. Don’t try to talk about everything at once, otherwise, there will be confusion, and no one will remember anything. 

Pick one or two topics per conversation. This will help you avoid confusion and stay focused. A typical person will memorize just around 20% of the conversation. Therefore, you will need to repeat it eventually, so do not overload yourself and your partner. During the first conversation, try to get a general impression regarding the mood, responsiveness, and participation of your partner. Keep going if there are no obstacles. 


  • Allocate sufficient preparation time.
  • Consider questions and answers.
  • Be ready to answer your questions.
  • Read the relevant literature if needed (for example, an atlas of anatomy, as many people don't even know what the clitoris looks like and where the prostate is located). 

In the following articles, we will discuss when it's best time to talk about sex and delve into the rules for constructing a dialogue.

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