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The right time to talk about sex

psychiatrist, sexologist, psychotherapist
  • Published:
    20 January 2023
  • Updated:
    01 February 2024
Talk about sex

In a previous article on “Is it necessary to talk with a partner about sex,” we found out that it is necessary to talk about it.

Here's a reminder of the most important things:

  • Build the conversation in a friendly manner without judgment or criticism.
  • During one conversation, discuss one topic: either a problem, a request, or a fantasy. Do not mix - this is the main ingredient of success.
  • Think over your questions in advance, and be ready to answer them yourself.

Remember that everyone is different, and although you may be close and frank with your partner, he or she may have a different idea from yours about talking about intimate matters.

This time we sort out when it is best to talk about sex.

Plan a time. Choose a day of the week when you are free for at least half an hour. These conversations are not rushed. Don't talk about sex when you or your partner is tired or annoyed.      

Plan the location. The bedroom is where you usually have sex, not talk about it. Choose a neutral environment that is not emotionally connected to sex, such as the kitchen or living room (as long as it's not where you usually have sex). This will increase the chances of a constructive dialogue.

Times when you definitely shouldn't talk about sex:

  • After sex, and by the way, after a bad round of one, you won't avoid violent emotions and mutual recriminations. After successful sex, you will disturb the atmosphere of peace and most likely ruin your and your partner's mood. Choose a neutral situation where you are both in a good mood.
  • Before work or another important event, there is better help than haste and fuss in this case. The conversation will be brief and uninformative.
  • When you're in an argument, you could provoke a new conflict or aggravate the current one.
  • When you're not alone, don't discuss your sex life with friends or strangers. This is unethical to your partner and often leads to a breach of trust.
  • When you are driving, driving is a process that requires maximum concentration. For example, discussing sex problems can provoke an argument and an accident.

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