Let's continue to learn how to talk about sex with your partner correctly.
Get used to the words that you feel shy to say out loud by practicing writing or mentally repeating them. These words start to differ from other body terms like “leg,” “elbow,” and “eye” the more you use them. Read and watch more on this topic. You can even watch porn with conversations to stop feeling shy about these words and learn to say them.
Here is a list of words to practice: sex, penis, shaft, scrotum, testicles, nipples, vulva, anus, anal, oral, blowjob, cunnilingus, anal opening, vagina, clitoris, labia major and minor, sperm, suck, lick, touch, enter, penetrate, fuck, cum, masturbate, jerk off, etc. Remember other words and phrases you feel shy to say and practice them.
Marshall Rosenberg formulated the principles of nonviolent communication, which also make it easy to construct conversations about sex. He suggests shifting the focus from accusations to empathy and understanding the interlocutor's needs. You need to follow only four rules.
Record facts without judgment and generalization. For example, instead of saying, “We never have proper foreplay!” you can say, “I didn't get aroused properly before penetration today.”
Say, for example, “I'm hurting, sad, disappointed, and unsatisfied with this situation,” instead of “You left me disappointed.”
It is important not to fall back into judgment. For example, the idea that you never come up with anything new in bed is based on the need for variety.
Avoid generalizations and be as specific as possible. Instead of saying, “You work too much, and we don't have enough sex because of it,” use a sentence like, “Let's talk about when we can spend some time together in bed.”
Your task is to solve the problem, not worsen it. It should not be parental: “Oh, is our mommy not interested in having sex for the first time?” or instructive-comparative: “Dear, John's wife pesters her husband three times a day.”
If you have identified a problem in your sex life, the initiative to solve it should come from you. Don't say things like, “Well, you're the husband (wife). I told you everything, now do whatever you want with it.” This is not acceptable!
If you don't know how to solve this problem and haven't talked about sex yet, you can ask a psychologist or me by clicking the “Question” button at the navigation bar.