Father and Son: How to Talk Properly With a Teenager About Growing Up

Adolescence is a time of great changes. The body changes, new feelings and emotions arise, the world seems different, and the teenager experiences embarrassment or uncertainty. A conversation about growing up is an important stage in the relationship between father and son. The father will help understand what is happening with the body and emotions.

How and Where to Start the Conversation

It's best to do this in a relaxed setting when you're doing something you both enjoy. This could be a fishing trip, a walk, or a movie together. The son should feel comfortable. Start first with a question: "How are you doing? Are you noticing changes in yourself?" This will gently lead the teenager to discuss serious topics.

Physical, Emotional, and Ethical Questions

When it comes to physical changes, speak openly and clearly. Is the body growing, is the voice breaking, and does hair appear? These are signs that the boy is becoming a man.

Adolescence is accompanied by mood swings, irritability, and aggression, which are associated with hormonal changes. Share your own experiences as a teenager, and assure your son that, over time, he will learn to control his emotions. Talk about how to build healthy relationships with others: friends, girlfriends, and family. Explain that a man's "right" qualities are strength, determination, care, responsibility, and sensitivity.

About Sex

Speak calmly and without embarrassment. Explain that sexual attraction and interest in the opposite sex are a natural part of growing up. Talk about respect for partners, the need for mutual consent, and responsibility in relationships. Emphasize that saying "no" is normal and that a man should respect others' boundaries.

How the Ground is Prepared

Ideal conversations with a child are possible, provided adequate and trusting relationships are built before adolescence begins. It's better not to initiate the conversation if it is tense or not smooth. When the need for a talk has arisen, arrange a "men's day" several times—spend time together doing an interesting activity.

The son should know he can come to his father with any questions that concern him. You are ready to listen and support him. You may need to return to the dialogue several times—constant conversations strengthen trust and understanding. Nick Fisher's book "Your Male Dignity: Time to Know Everything" will help you. Be honest and open, and talk about complex topics with respect.

Sources:

Yoon, S., et al. (2022). Fathers’ presence and adolescents’ interpersonal relationship quality: Moderated mediation model

Baku, E.A., et al. (2018). Challenges on sexual health communication with secondary school learners

McWayne, C., et al. (2013). Long-Term Effects of Father Involvement in Childhood on Their Son’s Physiological Stress Regulation System in Adulthood