Sadness as a Basic Human Emotion

Sadness (melancholy) is a tricky human emotion that often hides behind other states. On the surface, we may feel angry and experience inner discomfort, loneliness, boredom, or guilt, but if we observe, we'll notice that deep inside, we're sad. And this emotion wants to be seen!

The main character's wife dies in the series "Shrinking," starring Jason Segel and Harrison Ford. Almost a year passes, he's in an extremely broken state, problems arise at work, and his relationship with his daughter is strained. The hero has a dialogue with a senior colleague and friend: 

"I've been sad for a whole year!"

"No, you've been numbing the pain... Drugs, alcohol, and women interfere in other people's lives. I'll give you one life hack to help you through all this. You need 15 minutes. Turn on some hellishly sad music and just experience your feelings... I know you don't believe it will help, but it will work if you open up completely and don't be a pathetic coward."

What is Sadness, and When Does It Arise

We feel sad when someone dies or when we part with someone or something. However, sadness is a natural reaction and can arise when something doesn't work out or expectations aren't met. Sadness helps us cope with loss and accept what we don't want to accept. Sadness points to what's important, but you're not getting it. For example, you need to receive recognition for your competence at work, but you're not getting it for some reason, so you feel sad.

How to Cope with Sadness

First of all, you must see this emotion - notice (acknowledge) that you're sad. The next step is to determine what the emotion is pointing to. There may be a need that needs to be met. In our example, you could talk to your manager and explain how important it is to receive recognition. This doesn't mean you'll get it right away, but you'll be specific and honest on your part. If you understand that recognition won't be given, perhaps it's time to change jobs or managers.

Also, allow yourself to feel sad truly. You don't need to lie on the couch, "binging" on ice cream while watching endless series. Focus your attention on the emotion as much as possible, notice where it manifests in your body, and kindly explore the sensations.

There are situations when we can't change anything; the only thing left is learning to accept what's happening without resistance. Sadness helps with this, or rather, experiencing it. 

Can We Speed Up Experiencing an Emotion 

The skill of experiencing emotions is rare. We have an illusion that we can speed up or skip unpleasant moments by eating sweets or drinking alcohol. But the secret is simple: if you're sad, you need to be sad: allow the mental process to complete on its own.

Do you think the melancholy will never end? It will. And you can check this. Just like the hero of the series "Shrinking." Put on a very sad song, stop resisting, and give in to the sadness until it subsides, or at least until that melancholic melody ends!