Sexual Shame: The Most Common Causes

Dr. Olga Nevdah

Psychiatrist, sexologist, psychotherapist

Published:

24 July 2023
Updated:

26 January 2025

Shame in sex happens to women and men equally. But women's shame in sex, unlike men's, is more socially accepted.

What is Sexual Shyness Associated With?

Shame is often associated with "innocence", "purity", and "immaturity", and these characteristics do not fit the image of male behavior in sex. That's why men seem to have nothing to be ashamed of.

The Most Common Causes of Shame

You consider yourself unattractive in appearance, complex because of body imperfections, and penis size.

If you have no experience or little experience and are ashamed of it. You think that your partner knows better what to do and how to do it, and you are just not the same / not such since it "does not go in", trying to adapt instead of studying and analyzing your feelings.

You think only about how to please your partner, and you don't think about yourself.

Some people are not very talkative regarding relationships, emotions, feelings, and sensations, including sex. Why? As a child, they were not taught to recognize and accept their emotions, to name them with words, and live them.

There is a lack of sex education. Sex was frightened as a punishment, told that it is "dirty", and disgusting, or nothing was said.

When the relationship is already a long time, you begin to understand yourself and even understand what you want. But how to explain the previous silence? It can be frustrating for the partner to find out that all this time, it turns out, was not very.

How to cope with shame in sex we will tell further.

Sources

Brown, B. (2006). Shame Resilience Theory: A Grounded Theory Study on Women and Shame. Families in Society, 87(1), 43–52. (https://doi.org/10.1606/1044-3894.3483). Accessed 26 Jan 2025.

Litam, S. A., & Speciale, M. (2021). Deconstructing Sexual Shame: Implications for Clinical Counselors and Counselor Educators. Journal of Counseling Sexology & Sexual Wellness: Research, Practice, and Education, 3 (1), 14-24. (https://doi.org/10.34296/03011045). Accessed 26 Jan 2025.

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