A Child Feels Different from Others. How to Help When They Are Lonely?

Olga Drilo

Psychologist

Published:

17 August 2023
Updated:

21 January 2025

A Child Feels Different from Others. How to Help When They Are Lonely?

"I'm different" - does this phrase often cross your mind? Does it sound negative for some reason? Does it make you feel bad about yourself? Out of place? Uncomfortable?

Let's try to figure it out a little bit. I can offer you a little experiment. A psychological experiment.

Take out a piece of paper and a pencil. Make yourself comfortable. Breathe in deeply and breathe out five times. "Spin" in your head this phrase "I'm different," say it in different intonations.

And now, write down the answer to the first question on paper: Who are these "others"? Who are these people? The first thing that comes to your mind will be the correct answer. Make sure you write it down.

It could be classmates, people you want to like, or maybe your brother or sister. We're constantly comparing ourselves to someone. And more often than not, these are particular comparisons. It's not just a gray mass of "everyone." These are clearly defined figures.

From these people, pick one person.

Next, write down point by point: What are your different and common traits with this person? Write down about 10-15 points.

Now think about what unique traits you have that this person doesn't. Be sure to write them down. I'm sure you'll find them.

Now rewrite the sentence: "I am not like (here will be the name of the person you had compared yourself to)."

This experiment clarifies things a bit. With this technique, "everything" is concretized to a particular figure. And your feeling situation becomes more transparent. Also, it helps you to accept yourself.

And now, you can look at the phrase "I am not like everyone else" from a different angle. For example, "I'm not like John Smith." Because you are you, and he is him. And actually, that's okay! You're an individual and are meant to be unique.

Sources

Do parents respond in different ways when children feel different emotions? The emotional context of parenting (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16761554/), Dev Psychopathol. 2005 Spring;17(2):467-87. doi: 10.1017/s0954579405050224. Accessed 21 Jan 2025.

Young children's understanding of other people's feelings and beliefs: individual differences and their antecedents (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1786720/), Child Dev. 1991 Dec;62(6):1352-66. Accessed 21 Jan 2025.

Striving to live a normal life: a review of children and young people's experience of feeling different when living with a long term condition (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25450440/), J Pediatr Nurs. 2015 Jan-Feb;30(1):63-77. doi: 10.1016/j.pedn.2014.09.016. Epub 2014 Oct 5. Accessed 21 Jan 2025.

Loneliness, Social Support, Social Trust, and Subjective Wellness in Low-Income Children: A Longitudinal Approach (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10529055/), Children (Basel). 2023 Aug 23;10(9):1433. doi: 10.3390/children10091433. Accessed 21 Jan 2025.

Try Sequoia today