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A Teenager is Asking About Sex. How to Talk?

Psychologist
  • Published:
    04 August 2023
  • Updated:
    26 January 2025
teenager is asking about sex

The first thing to consider is the age of consent in your country. This is wholly unromantic but very, very important. This age can vary from country to country. In some countries, it may be 16 years old, and in others, it may be 18. This fact is important to recognize so you don't put yourself or your partner under the law.

If you are thinking about this topic because "everyone is already doing it from the age of 12," "well, I will start someday anyway, so why not now," "and how else to prove your love," "I am afraid that I will not have time to start." Other similar reasons, then, most likely, your time has not come yet.

Sex: Adult Story, Knowledge, and Safety

Sexual intimacy (having sex) is an adult story. To begin with, it is worth ensuring you have enough information about contraception, sexually transmitted diseases, your own body and its sensitivity, your partner, and their intentions and views on sex. It's also essential to ensure that the myths "nothing happens the first time" and "no one gets pregnant the first time" are unreliable. It's also important to remember that safe sex comes first!

Because sex, to reiterate, is an adult activity with adult consequences. It is a very intimate thing that involves complete trust between partners, mutual respect, the ability to listen and hear each other, and the ability to say "no" and hear the partner's "no."

First Sex: Expectations and Reality

It is also important to realize that the first intimacy cannot be like in romantic movies. Plus, at 16 or 18 years of age, the body (as a whole) is not yet fully formed and, therefore, unable to experience all the sensations qualitatively. Remember this.

Think Before Making a Decision About Your First Sex

If you are shy to talk about intimate topics with your partner, if your relationship is unclear, it is worth considering whether you want to start your sex life like this and with this person. After all, we have one body, and no one will give away the other. We all have the right to respect both our person and our body.

Sources

Against the Stream: lowering the age of sexual consent (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6436061/), BJPsych Bull. 2018 Aug;42(4):162–164. doi: 10.1192/bjb.2017.26. Accessed 26 Jan 2025.

Changes in Psychological Distress after First Vaginal Intercourse in Late Adolescence (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8867873/), J Adolesc. Author manuscript; available in PMC: 2022 Jun 1. Published in final edited form as: J Adolesc. 2021 May 21;89:213–216. doi: 10.1016/j.adolescence.2021.05.003. Accessed 26 Jan 2025.

Early sexual initiation and mental health: A fleeting association or enduring change? (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5546176/), J Res Adolesc. Author manuscript; available in PMC: 2018 Sep 1. Published in final edited form as: J Res Adolesc. 2017 Feb 10;27(3):611–627. doi: 10.1111/jora.12303. Accessed 26 Jan 2025.

Adolescent sexuality and the media (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1070813/), West J Med. 2000 Mar;172(3):210–214. doi: 10.1136/ewjm.172.3.210. Accessed 26 Jan 2025.


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